The Nerd, The Free Spirit and The Fight

Mr. P and I don’t argue very often at all and we fight even less.  At least not over anything important that is.  When we have argued, in the end, it’s always been for the same cause, but we see things in such different ways and we solve problems by different equations it takes a little while to realize we’re fighting for the same team.  On the rare occasion that the fight is for opposing forces, a few hours of silence and apartness and we always talk our way back together.  This weekend was just such an instance, however, the weekend didn’t start with the argument, it actually started rather nicely on Friday with Pay day!  Saturday morning we watched lesson 2 of FPU “Relating with Money” and learned that our differences have names.  In our relationship I am the “Nerd” and Mr. P is the “Free Spirit”.  The entire hour long lesson was full of eye opening moments but the quiz was the best.  Nerds aren’t always the savers and Free Spirits aren’t always the spenders, in our case, it is the opposite.

After our lesson and discussion we paid the bills and worked the budget, we created a shopping list and then we stopped at the ATM (the one we chose is free for us to use, aka, no bank fees) and took out our grocery money for the next 2 weeks, our church tithe money and our individual “pocket money” and filled up our budding envelope system for the first time.  Our first stop was the co-op for,  yep you guessed it, dried beans.  Then on to Costco where on our list were fresh veggies and coffee beans (what wasn’t on the list was the impending argument).  As we entered the store, goofing around with each other and him thinking he’s funnier than he really is we took our cart and headed down the aisle.  First stop (for HIS agenda) was the cell phone counter.  This was unexpected for me.   Thing 2’s phone stopped working earlier this week and we didn’t want to buy a new one or sign a new contract so we dug through the house for one of our older models.  Found one and I THOUGHT we had planned to stop at the cell phone store itself to see what they could do for us.  NOT Costco.  However, Mr. P had other plans that he chose not to tell me about.  This not sharing is what started the argument.  I felt left out.  I felt he didn’t trust me with whatever was going through his head and it hurt.  I lashed out, he lashed back all right there for all of the public to see.  This didn't help him "understand" why I was upset.  He didn’t get that at all.

 

 We finished up at  Costco in silence, out of anger he never finished talking to the cell phone people at the kiosk.  We left in silence and drove to Target.  He decided to stop at the cell phone store this time but I knew I wasn’t ready to talk to him without bursting into tears and ending in an emotional puddle so I took the remainder of our grocery list and walked to Target to finish.

(Spending cash at Target was hard because we were giving up an additional 5% savings from using our Target Check card…but is it really a savings if you impulse buy 100 dollars over budget just to save that additional 5% ?  Pretty sure DR would be proud of the 5% sacrifice we made.)

After we got home the following 4 hours were spent apart.  I stayed upstairs, eventually falling asleep in my reading chair with my kitties (apparently Mr. P came up to check on my periodically, he can be so sweet).  After my nap I felt able to talk and we talked…for quite a while and I think he finally SORT of understands why I felt so bad and I totally get why he made that decision without including me.  We don’t agree with each other 100%...but more importantly we understand “why” a little better.

 What I learned this weekend is this.  In our relationship I am the “Nerd”.  I love the numbers, I love budgeting, and it’s fun for me.  I get excited looking ahead to see what’s coming up in our lessons and I look forward to our new, upcoming budget committee meeting in the next few days (one of our home work assignments this week)…however, I am also the spender.  Spending makes me feel better sometimes.  I hate (fear) going “without” so I over buy quite often.  Buying groceries for a week turns into “Hurricane preparedness training” at times. 

Mr. P is our “Free Spirit”.  To him recipes are just suggestions; he’d rather just use a dash of this and a pinch of that and see what happens.  He would rather balance a spoon on his nose than balance the check book…and he is our saver.  He can stick to a list like glue and not deviate one iota from it.  He can totally walk into a store, buy exactly what he needs and leave with only that.  This is why we work well together.  He needs me to create our map and I need him to use that map and lead the way to safety.  It is our differences that make us whole, they make us work as a couple, they create friction and hard feelings at times and sometimes they even give us a reason to laugh.

So, what were my take aways this weekend?  I like being a “Nerd” and Mr. P is the perfect “Free Spirit”.  I hate when we argue but hate it even more when it’s in public.  Spending cash isn’t as fun as I thought it would be but it definitely leaves you feeling secure and safe.  That one I can’t explain but I am going to keep my eyes (and my mind) open in the coming weeks to see if I can figure out why.